


I've got ya

by AydiStar



Series: Just a ghost [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Panic Attacks, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sappy, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 21:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18973228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AydiStar/pseuds/AydiStar
Summary: Ever since the revolution, Connor had had this strange feeling and fear of Amanda coming back. One day, his fears comes into full light at a time he had least expected when he and Hank had been to talk with Markus and the others, causing his first panic attack.





	I've got ya

 

  


Something wasn’t right, Connor knew this but had tried to not acknowledge it to himself. Ever since the evolution he had felt this way, and this day his biggest fears really came to light when he had least expected it, causing his first panic attack.

Only a few weeks had passed, and Connor and Hank had been on their way to talk to Markus and the others. Nothing unusual. But that’s when Connor got that weird feeling in his chest he couldn’t describe. And it had only grown worse the closer they got to the new Jericho.

Hank had off course noticed something was up, had asked if everything was alright, to which Connor had answered yes, everything was fine. Thankfully, Hank didn’t press  it, but he noticed he  would glance at him from time to time, almost in concern. Connor tried to  ignore it, act normal , like he always did, put on that invisible mask to hide himself from everyone, hid e the things he didn’t want to show the rest of the world. He liked it that way.  Outside to most, he would look fine, but inside the feeling that was building inside of him got worse each step he took. 

Even Markus soft and kind voice as he greeted them when they entered didn’t get the weird feeling go away.  But  Markus was his friend, he shouldn’t be worried  like this . But every time he looked at him, he remembered when he had been holding the gun, ready to  shot . To kill. 

_No, he would never do that. It hadn’t been him._

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop seeing the others look at him, especially North. Seemed tense in his presence. Even if they didn’t say anything and most of the looks were nothing special, as if they were at least trying to accept him, it felt as if they judged him, knew what he had been about to do...

_Off course they know. North had even been standing right there when it happened. Off course she hates you, everyone hates you…_

_Why was Markus still trusting him? Why did Hank… or do they really?_

“ _You don’t belong here, Connor.”_

The words spun around in his head. He was for the most part quiet as the others around the table spoke to each other, was only half aware of what they were actually talking about as he fidgeted his hands under the table, noticed they were trembling. Markus would look at him from time to time, making the pain increase in his chest as memories flashed before him again. The words spoken between the others were starting to get more and more unclear. Then suddenly, he noticed a figure behind them, behind Markus, he didn’t need to look twice to understand who it was. Amanda.

The voices now felt louder somehow than before, making his ears ring. It felt like everything was crashing down on him.

_What was happening?_

_Why now?_

His nails started to dig painfully into his skin on the back of his hand as he desperately tried to calm down and make the feeling go away.  Something was wrong . He took some quicker breaths  through his nose. He shouldn’t need to, but somehow, he felt like he had to… he wanted to.  This was what he had been worried about. But w hy was  she here? How?  It had been a long time since he had last seen her, and it hadn’t been this close,  he  had even  thought she had finally disappeared  from his head . But this time she felt so… real. She started to talk to him, her calm, almost soft voice that held that motherly tone but sounded so wrong at the same time.

“ _Stop this, Connor and d_ _o what_ _you_ _were created to d_ _o, what_ _ **we**_ _know you_ _ **have**_ _to do. Do it and come back to me where you belong, Connor...”_

-Connor, are you alright?”

All eyes were on Connor now at the sound of worry in Markus’s voice, was as if they stared right into him. He wished he could just disappear through the floor right now. He swallowed. His trembling was impossible to hide now.

-Y-yes, I’m sorry. I…” he managed to stutter while standing up on unsteady legs.

_Liar._

He excused himself before he left the room, felt their eyes follow him like daggers. He heard someone call after him but ignored it.  _He needed to get out_ . 

He didn’t get far before he finally collapsed to his knees, needed to sit down. He was shaking uncontrollably as he leaned against the wall for support, struggled to breathe. He shouldn’t be panicking like this, but he was and felt more helpless than he has ever felt before. It felt like a thousand nails stabbed his chest while his limbs shook. His thirium pump was pounding too fast. Was he glitching, or was this a panic attack? Whatever it was it scared him. For the first time on the few months he had lived, he was…. scared. Darkness, like a fog, surrounded him as Amanda’s voice continued to swirl around in his head, made him feel small and trapped. 

“ _Just look at you, Connor, so pitiful…”_

_Leave me alone. Just leave me alone…_

_It’s not real, not real._

He wanted to move, didn’t want the others to see him like this, escape everything, do fucking something. But he just couldn’t. Tears stung in his eyes, making his already blurry vision even worse. He couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. His stress levels were rising and rising, close to self destruction point. It felt like the darkness would take him back to the garden. To _Her_ again. 

“ _Kill them.”_

_No. He didn’t want to go back there. Ever. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, he..._

The ringing continued painfully in his audio processors, making him dizzy. He had barely heard the door slam open behind him before it was too late.

-Shit, Connor!”

His body tensed, and it felt as if his thirium pump would smash right through his chest any second when he heard Hank’s voice behind him. He was soon by his side on the floor, faster than Connor has ever seen him. Hands took hold of his aching shoulders, were the only thing holding him up now. His name again and more words were said, but he couldn't make them out, as if he was underwater and Hank tried to reach to him in vain. He wanted to tell him that nothing was wrong, do something, but found that his voice wouldn’t work any more either. Worried voices filled the air as Markus and the others showed up as well, was in complete shock and confusion over what was happening before them, only making Connor’s own panic worse, a small pathetic noise escaped him. Markus on the other hand was quick to realize what was going on and made sure to make everyone, including himself, leave the two alone. Connor felt the grip on his shoulders tightened slightly.

-Kid, look at me. Look at me for a sec.”

He forced himself to look up, could barely make out Hank’s eyes looking back at him as he felt tears finally start to fall.

-Whatever the fuck is going on, it will be alright, okay? Just deep breaths.” He heard him continue while he tried to look him in the eyes to make sure he didn’t lose focus, his hands still on his shoulders.

Connor tried, he really tried. But as he tried to focus, his gaze wandered off to look behind him and his breath got caught in his throat. Amanda was right there.

Before he realized what he was doing, he held into Hank with all his might with shaking hands, as if he would disappear if he let go, tried to say his name as the darkness continued to close up around him, to suffocate him. Tears continued to stream down his face like a waterfall, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Hank placed a hand on Connor’s that held into his shirt, stroked it slightly, tried to show him he was really there any way he could. 

-I am here, Connor, I’m not leaving ya.” His voice and touch made Connor look up again. Hank’s eyes were gentle, just like his voice that was the softest and calmest Connor has ever heard him speak.

“You’re OK, you’ll get through this. Just focus on me and your breathing, alright? Just in… and out...”

It was a slow process, but each breath Connor took it came slower and more controlled while his focus was on Hank.

_In... Out... In... Out..._

-Just like that. You’re doing great.”

Everything around him started to clear up again and Amanda and her voice was gone. The intense pressure in his chest had started to go away and his thirium pump had slowed down into an almost calm, rhythmic pounding. It was if a ton of weight had finally been lifted from his shoulders. He felt himself lean against Hank who in turn held him closer.

-There. You’re okay, you’re okay.” Hank mumbled softly as Connor let his head rest against his shoulder, didn’t care if he looked pathetic at the moment and would deny it later. He needed to feel safe. Needed to know he wasn’t alone. Needed to be sure that whatever just had happened wouldn’t happen again. His eyes slowly drifted as he felt himself finally relax, forgot about everything else around him. They sat like that for a moment but even then, Hank didn’t let go of him. As if he was afraid he would panic again if he did so.

-Ya good now, Connor?”

-Y-yes. Thank you…” his voice came out weak and hoarse, but Hank had caught it.

-Don’t mention it.” he answered while rubbing his back. “Damn, you handled this better than I fucking did, you know that?” Connor smiled slightly as he sat up, escaping the embrace.

-Care to tell me what just happened?” Hank then asked, the normal rough tone of his voice coming to again as he had calmed down as well from the brief experience. Connor turned away from his gaze, tried to think of an excuse. But he didn’t really know what had happened either. Everything had been fine and then suddenly…

-You looked like you had seen a ghost or something.”

_It pretty much had been…_

-I… I don’t know. Sorry, it must have been a glitch in my system… easy to fix, Hank...” he mentally scolded himself as he heard his own stutters and weak voice. _It wasn’t his._

-It sure as hell didn’t look like one...” like always, it was as if Hank saw right through him. Was he really that obvious? He seemed to never do anything right, now Hank wouldn’t let this go for a while. But it hadn’t been anything. He had just overreacted. It had just been a hallucination. _A ghost._

-I can assure you I am alright, Lieutenant.”

  



End file.
